*Content Warning: This piece contains references to abuse, which may be triggering to some.*
Dear boys
Who thought they could tame me, it must have been difficult to learn that you could not. I was not a broken baby bird to be saved by you—even though we both believed that I was. It was not your responsibility to lay out a plan for my life by your rules, your standards of happiness, and your unmeetable expectations. I am sorry that I gave you that power for any period of time.
Dear boys
Who made me feel weak and unworthy, your words left an imprint on my soul, but the ink has long faded. Your apologies, your sighs of exasperation, your eye rolls have no place in my heart. The meek girl you once knew has grown fierce and alive with her own mighty spirit and birdsong. I know now that my worth is not determined by your insecurity. I know that my strength cannot be defined by your discomfort with your own self.
Dear boys
Who hurt me, in truth, sometimes, I still feel your hands on my body, and I cringe. My memories of you will always be tainted by the horrid acts you committed against me. You thought that you could use your strength to belittle me in mind and body, but you were wrong. My body may have succumb to the physical, but my mind stayed strong, protected by its own supernatural force. And when the day came that it could no longer be held hostage and silenced, it broke free. You expected a quiet chirp, but my voice was a resounding screech. It shattered your life, like you shattered my trust. To these boys, may you understand that the fire that burns within me will never die. Not by your hands or anyone else’s.
Dear boys,
I loved you, too. Whether for days, months, years, or lifetimes, I appreciate the role you played in my life. I would not be who I am without the disruption of your presence, but gone is the songbird that added gentle melodies and joyful colors to your life. I am no longer décor to be used as you wish — a pretty, little thing to point out to guests.
I realize now that the significance you played was monumental, but you, dear boys, were not. You were the weak ones. You were the cowards. You were the stepping stones, but I am the one who unleashed the phoenix.
