Whether you want to believe it or not, you are toxic to somebody. It takes a true friend to bring you into the realization of your toxic ways if you didn’t discover them first. It’s truly a hard pill to swallow, especially if you believe that you are the one to be the LEAST bit problematic. I realized that two of my toxic traits have to deal with communication and support. ME?!?? The two biggest things that I pride myself on, I have a problem reciprocating them to others in a timely fashion. Of course, this was unconsciously done and I got incredibly offended when it was brought to my attention. I couldn’t help it. At first, I thought my “friend” was joking about being upset with me about not texting back (or texting at all even) when I’ve told them many times, I DO NOT LIKE TEXTING. Nevertheless, it made them feel some type of way once they’ve finally got the point.
While most of my friends know not to text me, there are still some others that refuse to believe it. MOST people call or Face Time me and I do the same with them. If I were to show you (which I won’t, just take my word for it) my text messages, many of them are bland and plain asf. Some of them don’t make sense because the other person has finally decided to call after a while. I’m sorry (not really). I enjoy hearing the other person’s voice and face to face interaction when they call. Now, I am not a complete, inconsiderate asshole, if you’re busy then sure I’ll text you. But, don’t expect me to text back on time. I do not do it on purpose. No! This is not a game, and yes, I’ll admit I may have seen it and got distracted. I do that often, get sidetracked into doing something else, my apologies. My mind is racing a hundred miles per second thinking and overthinking about stupid or futuristic shit. I am a ’round – the -clock daydreamer and it can’t be helped. This may not be an excuse for some of you, but I really mean no harm in it. The real ones understand that.
As for not supporting my friends thoroughly, this one hit me too hard in the chest. I was having a conversation with a couple of my closest and dearest about liking and sharing each other’s information or accomplishments on Facebook or Instagram. Since social media rendered its ugly head into the world, the concept of liking someone else’s status about their lives is shown as an act of support and sadly, a reassurance to one’s ego. Long story short on the conversation, my friend told me that liking and possibly sharing YOUR FRIEND’S post is to show love and support. I get that. Then, I said that CALLING your friend DISCUSSING the status or accomplishment they’ve posted, having input on it is the same thing as showing love and support. My friend said liking and sharing a post on either platform and calling to talk about what was posted is two different bases. At first, I was like, “TF are you talking about?” because I feel as if calling me to talk about my accomplishment (more so), showing me that you’ve actually seen and digested what I posted is a better act of showing love and support. My friend said no, it’s not the same thing. So, in a nutshell, my friend explained to me that even though calling to talk about what either of us has posted is an act of showing support, liking/sharing it on the other person’s feed can go a lot further. That way, you can gain more strangers and/or potential supporters to expand into whatever it is that you’re sharing. Now, look here, I know this to be true. I promise you, I am not that dense, but, liking/sharing my post or calling me to talk about it will do it for ME. If you both, great! However, if you do neither, then that’s a problem. Especially if it’s something that considered to be apart of my craft. If I see that neither of these “bases” were covered by a friend, and I bring it up in conversation, and you still have no input?! Then that too, is a problem. The good news is, I understand now and from that point on, I literally made the change. I’m liking and sharing everybody shit that’s making moves to better themselves or posting a silly ass meme. Even though a part of me doesn’t think it’s deeper than rap, especially if you cover at least one the “bases”, but it’s cool. Whatever makes my friends happy.
Getting published on Harness Magazine was a hard but small step to a bigger picture. I believe this with my whole heart. Writing is in my blood, and even when I am not doing it, it’s all I can think about. I have a feeling this gift will take me far no matter if it’s finally getting my book out to the world, or writing about my experiences in my blogs. I’ll get there. I will still make it to my destination if people decide to like/share my content or not. I’ve been taught that’s not what it’s all about; the consistency and the passion behind the work is all that matters. Someone will eventually catch on, eventually. That’s all I need. Until next time family…
Stay Positive. Stay Focused. Vibrate Higher. Peace
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