You told me I was “pretty” as if that is all that is desirable about me.
I am not just pretty. Can’t you see?
I cannot fall asleep at night because of my anxiety.
She cannot think straight because she’s struggling with sobriety.
She was an essence, beautiful and broken. Her words, softly spoken.
Her mind was thought provoking.
I spent most of my years wondering why many seemed to think worth is based on appearance. Back to when I was a little girl. I would wake up, crawl out of bed and rush downstairs to watch my mother getting ready for work. She coated her eyelashes with mascara and straightened her natural curly hair. She was breathtaking to begin with, but that was not my first thought. This is a woman who wakes up at 5 AM on weekdays only to go to a job that she hates. She will keep the fancy title just to get paid. She was not just “pretty” to me, she was ambitious. She did everything in her power to give me the life that she never had. How could she ever think that being herself was so bad?
As I grew up, I remember guys telling me “you are so pretty,” as if it was all that they had to say. I felt pretty …worthless. I knew deep down that I am beyond just pretty. There is a story behind the woman I am. A man could put his hands on my body, but he would never touch my soul. You want my body? It’s possible to touch me without brushing skin. Where do I begin?
Why do we hold back what we truly feel? Why are we so afraid of the things we choose not to say? I’ll be damned by the end of the day.
I was always a mysterious girl; I had so many perceptions about this world. This world is cold. People will only show you what they would like to. Some will hike a kilometre, and others a mile for you. The ones who say they believe in you are often the ones to leave you to drown when your life is looking down. Darling, you are more than just pretty. You are not an object. You are a work of art with a desire for growth. I know sometimes you feel small, or that the other woman has it all — I know I do. I spent time perfecting myself for those who had temporary positions in my life, and I’ll tell you that it got the best of me. Trying to be someone I should not be. I was tired of feeling like I was crazy, just for the approval of a man who thought I was his “baby.”
I now live my life like I have nothing to lose. I am indecisive. I am human, and I am everchanging. Never have I ever felt so free in my life. Sometimes it is okay to not live by the rules. Your mistakes are a part of your growth. Don’t be afraid that you cannot find all the answers. Have fun in the meantime. They will come to you when you are not in search of them.
Make a life for yourself. Never settle for less. Try your best.
You are empowering to me.
Author: Jennifer Kriski
Email: [email protected]
Author Bio: She’s a mystery, an old soul. Jennifer captures moments through art. Essentially she is creating pieces that tell her story in hopes to make you think about yours.
Link to social media or website: https://www.instagram.com/jenniferkriski/
