*Content Warning: This piece contains a reference to suicide, which may be triggering to some.*
How do you define yourself? When someone asks you what you do, do you respond with the title of your job, the fact that you are (or aren’t) married, or that you’re a mother? Do you say you’re a boss or an entrepreneur? Do you ever say that you’re happy?
I am currently going through a divorce. It is amicable, despite the fact that my husband NEVER had a conversation about divorce with me. He simply held onto the paperwork until he felt comfortable leaving it at my bedside for me to wake up to. (Coward!) Sorry, it had to be said.
Anyway, divorce leads to being single which for me led to online dating. I haven’t been single since I was 16, which is something my therapist and I are already working on— no worries. But back to my point.. one of the first questions is always what do you do and I’m always conflicted with what to answer.. and what I usually answer with tells you a lot about myself and what I believe is important to men and society.
I tell them… I’m a speech-language pathologist and I’m in school to get my doctorate. I have two young daughters. I own my own home… and you know what I blurt out next, like it’s something I have to disclose? AND I’M OVERWEIGHT. Like it’s this abnormality that I have throw out there and wait in silence to see if they’re accepting of it or not.
When my husband decided to throw the divorce out there after eight years married and 10 years together, I was put on depression medication. Actually, I was suicidal; with an attempt and hospitalization. Side note to anyone out there who is sitting in the darkness right now. Whatever you do, please don’t do anything permanent about a temporary situation. You will not always feel this way. Talk to someone. Anyone. People want to listen. No one wants to see you suffer. You will make it through as long as you don’t give up. Dial 988 if you need to.
The medication made me gain weight. I used to MODEL when I was younger. I went from modeling to wearing a size 14-16. I allowed it to define me. I allowed myself to believe that this is one of the first things I should tell someone about myself. What about the fact that I’m brilliant, beautiful, bold? Kind, caring, strong and driven? In reality, after having many dates, it was my own criticism and concern I was fighting with, not theirs. Not a single man I dated cared about my weight. I cared about my weight. But why?
In reality, in secret, I actually truly believed I was beautiful. I just felt like I wasn’t allowed to be confident in a larger body. So today I dare you to love every inch of yourself and when someone asks you who you are or what you do, I hope you describe yourself with love and kindness.
Harness was built on the premise of supporting women, including those that may be struggling in ways that others can’t see. Here are some resources in case you need them, today or in the future.
Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
Suicide Prevention Online Resources: https://
Better Help Online Counseling & Therapy: https://www.
Anxiety and Depression Association of America — Find Help: https://adaa.org/
