Light shines through wooden shutters covering our back door. A little pocket of bright sunshine casts shadows on the floor, making patterns and rows on the carpet.
Outside the breeze rustles the branches and shakes the leaves. The air is warm and ever-changing. Fluid. The light dances through.
Soft tawny fur covers my shirt and blanket, but the heat from a sweet dog warms my hands as I rub his belly. He’s heavy, comforting and doesn’t move unless I do.
The house isn’t silent. I hear cars and trucks moving outside on the road. A fan is on overhead. The air conditioning is running in the other room, but all is calm. All is well.
I sit just like this for days on end. Unable. Unable to get up. Unable to start the day. Unable to move. Why can’t I just move?
Heaviness weighs me down. Deeply rooted self-doubt digs through my seat, tethering me to the sofa in the living room.
Tasks on my to-do list, never-ending piles of work to get through. A home to manage. People to feed and bathe and care for. People I love.
All day I’m trapped on the sofa between my dog and the cushion, and when people arrive home, I jump up. Embracing them in gratitude for rescuing me from the cage I lock myself in daily.
They say people aren’t medicine, but the medicine that saves me is their love. Hopeful that at the same time every day, a person comes home to remind me all is calm. All is well.
Not because it’s their job or duty or responsibility, because they don’t even know they’re rescuing me. They don’t know how I’m sticking myself to this sofa.
How I’m stuck in a cycle of fear and unworthiness, my mind fools me. Unable to get up. Unable to begin. Unable.
Love is ever-changing, fluid. Love from people, pockets of sunshine casting light through darkness, making patterns and rows on the carpet. The light dances through.
All is calm and I am able.
Author: Marcy Harris-Ortiz
Email: [email protected]
Author Bio: Marcy is an artist currently thriving in her sweet little hometown of Canal Winchester, Ohio. Collector of pretty rocks and memories, Marcy is constantly surprised by the colors of the sunset and how her dogs’ hair always ends up on a dinner plate. Inspired by the human body and mind, Marcy finds purpose in her work through helping other women find the beauty that resides within them.
Link to social media or website: Instagram @marcyharrisortizphotog
