For so damn long, I was scared of being seen as my true self. After what felt like a lifetime of mental and emotional abuse, I created a story in my head that people expected me to show up perfect, that I had to have it all together, look like a goddess, have the perfect home, say the right things, act like the perfect mom, hide all my realities, deny all my fears, have all the answers and please everyone on every level. It drove me to a point where I lost myself and began playing someone that was unrealistic and totally not me.
It got to a point where I became so worried about what other people thought of me that it drove me into a depression. I was so scared to do wrong that I shut myself into my own little world and wouldn’t let anybody in.
I was scared of living, ashamed of having a broken family, coming from a broken family, allowing myself to live with abuse over and over again, numbing myself with drugs and alcohol, hiding my past, running from reality, thinking I was unlovable and more.
The shame just didn’t stop.
It took a lot of personal development to find myself again, and after years of being totally closed off and hiding from being seen authentically, I began to really learn to be okay with who I was. I was still healing and finding strength, but I found love. I changed my reality, but I didn’t do it alone. Being genuinely loved made me realize I was worthy of love. Living in a state of support, I realized my worth.
Over the past year I really dove deep into repairing and connecting with my soul and higher self. I found and am still finding that everything I ever wanted was inside me all along just waiting to be unleashed and appreciated.
Once I discovered this for myself, and took the actions I needed to get myself at a peaceful state again, I began showing up as who I really was: flawed, energetic and passionate. Now I’m thriving through connection again and doing the work I was born to do. I’m fulfilling my purpose.
So for the record:
I’m a great mom, but some days I plain suck!
Doing my hair and makeup all the time also sucks. If I do, it’s for my benefit, no one elses. If I don’t…well so be it!
I speak really fast, and sometimes I don’t make sense, but that’s just how it is!
Your expectations are not my expectations!
I’m going to live life my way because thats what works for me!
I hold absolutely no space for negative energy!
My past is in my past, but I wont hide it in shame anymore!
I swear too much!
I’m not here to please anyone, not even you!
I’m not any sort of super human but I’m f***ing awesome!
I’ll put heels on at 8 a.m. and kicks on at 3 p.m.!
I’m passionate about everything!
I really like pink and black!
I dye my hair a lot!
I’m not for everyone. I am who I am!
I am 100 percent unapologetically me!
Stop trying to be someone you’re not. Be completely yourself because it feels so good to be in that power.
Author: Heather Rusden
Email: [email protected]
Author Bio: My name is Heather Rusden. I’m 29 years old and a mother of two beautiful children. I love beaches, road trips and speaking to the moon. I spend my days coaching other beautiful woman into finding their own truth, breaking down blocks and achieving their goals without the bs holding them back. My goal is to coach 500 woman in 2019. I can be found on Facebook or Instagram @HEATHERRUSDEN.
Link to social media or website: https://www.facebook.com/heatherlrusden/
