Addictions come in many forms. For some their addiction is alcohol, while others are addicted to drugs, and a small amount have an addiction to sex. But nobody every taught me nor showed me that people can be addicted to, well, people. In modern day, with the ever growing and changing world of social media, people have a dependency on other people’s approval. Even in relationships. If a person has not really worked on their own healing, they will look at their significant other to fill places that they simply cannot and may never be able to do so.
If you are a half of a person, there is no way you will be able to have a whole relationship. When you’re not grounded in who you truly are, you could find yourself waiting and seeking out conversations or approval from them. To be honest and completely transparent, I was one of those people. I would wait for a phone call or a text message simply to know that I’m wanted. At times, I came across as pushy, smothering, and downright needy.
I must say that they were right to feel that way about me. I was very insecure and wounded from my past. A relationship was not wise for me at all, however, like a stubborn child I refused to listen. I thought that if I had someone by my side, I would be secure with myself and any situation I face in my life. But the more I got myself involved in any relationship, the worse I became. You see it took several rejections to realize that I needed to be rooted in God before any man came into my life.
I found at times that I poured into men too fast, whether it was my time, my money, and even my body. When you desire to be loved so bad, you don’t stop at any lengths to find it. For those that I was pushy or needy with, I truly apologize. I was looking for help with my healing when it wasn’t your position in the first place. I never meant to drain you nor make you feel some type of way about the woman you meet after me. It is not your job to fix anyone, you can only fix and work on yourself. I wish you nothing but the absolute best in life, even with me not in it.
