A flower blooms when it’s ready, not when we want. It blooms at its own pace. Sometimes we hurry and we want to get to “that” place, meet the person, start the relationship, have the job, etc.! But we fail to recognize that we’re already planted where we need to be.
We find it difficult to thank our starting point because all we see is the lack of what we don’t have yet. That is why, in order to advance, we need to learn to be grateful. Being grateful is for the brave, and the only way to go forward is to recognize ourselves for what we are now; we need to shake off our expectations, polish our priorities and expand our inner gaze to realize that before looking for greatness outside, we need to feel great and full from within.
There are some who believe in fate, in the moon, in the stars, in the planets, in a superior force, in a cup of coffee, etc.! But do we believe enough in ourselves when making a decision? Especially when it comes to relationships?
Sometimes we start relationships out of necessity and insecurity, and I know that some will say that, “I have never chosen a relationship out of necessity,” or have had one. But if you take a moment to think deeply in the reason you started your past relationship, you will know that there was an underlying motive that made you link to that person. Perhaps it was the need for affection, adventure, a rebound, sex, protection, distraction, etc. I’m not saying that necessity is something bad, but when necessity becomes dependency, we cease to be what we are in order to be like the other. We get lost and then we don’t know what we want, or what we do not want. We cling to the other to feel secure of what we are and when the other person disappears it is as if they took our base and we sink.
But, this has a second part. It turns out that when they take that safety base, at last we can immerse ourselves and be free. We no longer depend on the other to save us, but on ourselves. We begin to sink in unknown waters, we feel disoriented, fearful but free. We began to discover that what kept us clinging was just a whim of insecurity. To recognize what we fear takes courage, because not only do we need to face it, but we also need to submerge ourselves to reach the bottom and know its cause.
Feeling disoriented is an indicator that we are looking for new paths that are more aligned with who we are now.
We are in an active break to choose what fills us, and not only for the moment but long term.
The funny thing about this process is that it happens several times in order to remove the layers that we have put on and have unconsciously allowed. But when we recognize it, it is impossible to become indifferent.
When we come up to take a breath after being in depth, we need to learn to choose the right “boat”, not the first one we saw floating by. It is here that makes the difference between sharing and dependency. It is possible that by the time we take that first breath there are many potential “boats” willing to “save us”, but it turns out that our in-depth process is not going to go to waste in less than a second simply because the other wants to supply that need. Being far away and reflecting on who we are and what we want; we have the ability to choose what is aligned with us, choose the vibration that resonates in our heart, and choose the fire that connects with ours.
Choosing is the first step, the second is trusting that decision, and the third is staying firm. Emotional ambivalence can sabotage a true connection, and it is normal to feel afraid to start again with someone, but if we do not trust ourselves we will never know what we are capable of achieving.
A relationship begins with oneself, and little by little we begin to reflect it; both who we are and what we fear. But when the connection is real, these fears join together to work and overcome them; from love and not dependence. The union between two people involves uniting worlds, uniting passions, fears, dreams and goals. Union between both does not have to last a lifetime, but it should last enough so that there is growth between the two, and that from the relationship two different people are born, with less fear and more love.
It sounds easy to say, but with practice you learn. And if we are waiting for the right person to arrive, we will wait forever, because the right person is built as we begin to build ourselves from within.
(Original version in Spanish – https://eljardinenmi.wordpress.com)
– Illustration by Ana Isabel Agudelo
Author: Daniela Ortiz
Email: [email protected]
Author Bio: Combining passion for mental health, nutrition and fitness into one by providing guidance and motivation through my words. Life is a combination of love, light and darkness and writing helps to puzzle them together.
Link to social media or website: Instagram: @eljardindemi
