I have been together with the same guy for more than 11 years, married for 4. At the moment we are traveling in India both living our passion here – him doing a yoga TTC course and me taking Ayurvedic nutrition and beauty classes. We share a big dream of opening a health centre on a beautiful Greek island, somewhere on the Aegean See and maybe also having kids at some point. I am feeling more supported and fulfilled in this marriage than I have ever thought I possibly could. I am 100% committed and still feeling free.
Has it always been this idyllic?
Absolutely not.
Actually, it all started out like a nightmare: we kept criticizing each other, both had too many high expectations of the other person, and, of course, prejudices based on how the ex-girl/boyfriend handled us before was also part of the game. The occasional periods of having to do long-distance did not help either. Still, the physical and energetic attraction between the two of us was strong enough to get over the first stumbling years, and after taking 3 short breaks, we surrendered and made a commitment to make this relationship work. A year later I moved countries for HIM.
Moving to another country because you CHOOSE to be together with your beloved is a brave decision. However, moving to another country FOR this person is a mistake.
Your personal happiness is only your responsibility. Expecting it from someone else – saying “now that I am here, make me happy, realize my romantic dreams, I have done my part by moving countries for you” – is just too much responsibility put onto the other person and also totally unfair.
No need to mention how much trouble this – unconsciously – chosen role of victimhood brought about in our lives; we both felt unfulfilled and misunderstood, but still not ready to let each other go.
Just well after I started diving deep into my own physical health, psyche and personality – with the help of yoga and mindfulness – did I realize how long I had been refusing to take responsibility for my own life and my own decisions. Blaming someone else for the discrepancies of your life is always way easier than facing your own faults and acknowledging, “I screwed it up.”
Why most people only start working on their own issues when they are single and looking for someone to have a relationship with? As if having a deep connection with who we are was only a means to find a partner?
Today I think “working” on a relationship is pointless. What actually helps is working on ourselves individually, making ourselves proud of who we are and then see if the other person can accept us that way, too.
At the end of the day, everyone wants the same thing: feeling loved, supported and free.
Author: Nora Nagy
Email: [email protected]
Author Bio: I am holistic health and beauty coach, ardent traveler and passionate foodie. I teach women how to love themselves more deeply and how to find balance in their lives.
Link to social media or website: https://www.instagram.com/nora__nagy/
