Growing is a part of life. It happens every second of every day. Fast and slow. It’s sitting right beside you awaiting acknowledgement. Being in a relationship or alone doesn’t prevent it. It’s a cycle in itself that each one of us face. The only difference is the phase. But none of us can begin the true process until we sit down and say ‘You know what, I’m ready for this. Ready for whatever the universe is going to throw at me. It’s time to break out of my seed and grow.’
Our minds, much like our bodies, will not develop until they are ready. You won’t change unless you want to. You won’t change until YOU are ready. And if you think back, when did you truly begin to develop intellectually? Now, I don’t mean book smarts! When was the first time you learned something school, or your parents, didn’t teach you? When was the first time something hurt you and you learned? The first time you made a mistake and didn’t look back?
When was your first ‘Aha’ moment?
There are so many little phases to growth. So we start small…
Setting Your Space. When you keep aloe in a small pot, she stays very small. But when you move her to a larger pot, one that allows her to breathe and stretch, she will spread her limbs long and become even more marvelous than when you first took her in. You are the aloe. Evaluate what you’re surrounded by. Most of the time, it’s hard to see what you’re in while you’re in it. It’s okay to take a step back and reflect on it. Take time for yourself and if the conditions aren’t suitable, it’s time to (re)move yourself.
Being Alone. While isolation has a bad connotation, it is truly a blessing. Isolation allows you to see what you’re working with, outside and inside yourself. When you spend too much time around your friends, or even family, you may begin to lose a part of yourself–to lose sight of who YOU are. Alone time helps you to get to know yourself. It brings you back to originality. What do you actually like? What are your morals? Get to know your quirks, your feelings, your thoughts…
Acknowledging the Truth and Letting Go. This is the most difficult part. Within yourself, you know the truth of your situation. You are present to see how the people around are treating you. You know what you deserve. Although, you may choose to believe otherwise. It’s time for you to clear the space and remove toxicity from your environment. Maybe they’re the company you’ve been keeping, maybe they’re your family, maybe they’re all you have. But keeping the people/things that stunt your growth close to you will hurt more than heal in the end. When you let one door close, another will open. There is always something better on the other side.
Not only do you need to look outside yourself, but there are also things YOU may do that prevent you from feeling good. Are you being toxic to yourself? In order for you to be happy, you have to participate in the things that make you happy. Give yourself time and space to breathe. Live according to your rules and expectations. Don’t seek permission–you don’t need it.
Having People Around Who Help You Grow. Having supportive people in your life when you’re going through growth periods always makes things easier. They push you to become better, are gentle, and help show you the way. The best part about being in different phases is that someone in your life may have already went through something you’re currently going through. And even if you don’t want/need advice, they can be there to listen and stick it through with you. Certain people in our life show us what we’re lacking, what we need to work on. Constructive criticism doesn’t have to be scary. And it’s 100% okay to ask for help. Reach out.
Don’t Forget to Feel. Growing is about sorting through our baggage, then tossing it! If you don’t feel, you won’t move past it. Cry, scream, laugh, feel every single emotion because all it means is that you’re alive.
You’re probably wondering why this has to be so serious. But surprise! It doesn’t. Part of growing is expressing yourself and being creative. Take it seriously, but at the same time make sure you’re having fun with it. It’s okay to treat yourself. And life is too short to be wasting your time being unhappy. Your soul must flourish. Participate in things you actually enjoy and when you need it, remind yourself why you’re here. It doesn’t have to be such a harsh place. Be kind to yourself- I know this isn’t easy.
We fall and mess up dozens of times. But we shouldn’t be judged for any of our faults because, well, we’re blooming. And we won’t fully understand something, even if it’s said right to our faces, until we discover it for ourselves.
It’s important to accept that these ‘steps’ will occur over and over again. The obstacles won’t ever stop coming, but we will get stealthier.
If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out The Friendship Breakup
