It had been months and I was still waking up with my hands clenched in the morning. I was an expert at blocking out stress. As much as my mind denied the outside pressures, my body still pushed through to show me. At the deepest hours of the night when my subconscious could roam free it chose to leave me clues for the morning. A clenched jaw, clenched fits, a charlie horse in my leg or a restless nights sleep.
Anxiety has a funny way of coming and deciding to never leave. Like a needy relative it shows up on your doorstep with a suitcase and no money – promising only a few days on the couch, but days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months. And my anxiety was here. All of it. Both feet planted in the dirt looking me square in the eyes and demanding to be heard.
I couldn’t ignore it anymore.
I could feel it clenched around my heart with a tight fist at all times throughout the day. My brain was like a hamster wheel spinning and spinning and spinning. It was as if I was on a rollercoaster and kept going down the same steep hill over and over again.
And it lasted for days. It lasted until I decided to pick up the phone and start calling. Searching for someone to talk to. Searching for a solution. By putting myself first, it dulled some of that pain I was having. Instead of two bricks being tied to my feet in the morning, now there was only one. I would put myself first. I would figure this out.
Your body has a funny way of trying to tell you what you need. What I needed was counseling. Someone to talk to. I needed to put myself first.
If you want more information on counseling. Feel free to check out this link: BetterHelp
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Ashley Rector, Founder of Harness Magazine
