Real Stories

I Love You, I Love You Not

Oh let me count the ways…in which I don’t love myself. There is an abundance of self-help articles telling you How to Love Yourself in 10 Steps and How to Be Your Own Best Friend, and that’s great. But here’s the fine print: No one can teach you how to love you except you.

Self-love is a continuous journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance but I found myself having a difficult time with both, feeling as if there was a roadblock between my intentions and my hardwiring. Turns out that roadblock was created from subconsciously combining self-love with conditional love, where the level of how much I loved myself depended on my ability to continuously meet certain conditions.

I attributed my sense of worth to the amount of success I achieved in society’s standards.

I based my level of attraction on the amount of acknowledgement I gained from others.

And I gained confidence from the possession of external items.

These three pillars became the foundation of my self-love.

This vicious push-pull cycle grew into a life filled with “I love you” one day and “I love you not” another. What I would later come to realize is that it was impossible to sustain a constant level of self-love when the foundation was built upon pillars that would always be impermanent— society’s definition of success, standards of beauty, and acknowledgment from others.

So when I was put in a position where I could no longer meet any of my self-love conditions, all three pillars came tumbling down in one fell swoop. My self-love turned into self-hate because I had no idea how to love myself when there was nothing physical to attain. This internal war lasted a couple years until I realized that I do not have to like everything about myself to be able to love myself unconditionally.

So where I am now? Trying to shift the conditional to the unconditional. First, by acknowledging that self-awareness is half the battle. Then, by starting to find the parts within myself that I already love and remembering to complement myself about them. Lastly, by acknowledging the parts that I despise and learning to send even more love to those areas (because they need it more).

I am pushing forward remembering that external things are forever fleeting but the love I have for myself should never be.

Comment
by Cindal Ma

I’m a California-based blogger who focuses on personal growth, self-development, and the art of introspection. I hope my writing resonates with you, brightens your day, consoles your heart, sparks inspiration or at the very least, gives you a little bit of calm in this crazy thing we call life.


Website

More From Real Stories

What If You Have Enough?

by Jaynice Del Rosario

You Were Mine

by Sandy Deringer

Purity Culture Did Me More Harm Than Good

by Linda M. Crate

Understanding What it Means to be an Introvert

by Lorna Roberts

Ready, Start, Go – Childhood Lessons

by Heather Siebenaler

What can January offer?

by Emmy Bourne