“I am not ready.”
Surely you have heard these words at some point. Maybe it was a potential client. Or a love interest. Or your very own self.
Let’s deconstruct what this whole “I am not ready” narrative even means, and question some underlying assumptions in it.
(Side note: I am referring to the psychological/emotional/subjective “not ready,” not the factual/objective one, when there is a sequence of steps involved, e.g. conducting a scientific experiment, baking a pie, recovering from an illness, setting up technology etc.)
In my observation, more often than not the “I am not ready” narrative is not a true statement, but a mental construct covering up either an excuse, or a deeper structural issue with a set of interwoven fears and limiting beliefs.
Say you want to go deeper in your romantic relationship. Or start working on a book. Or go traveling for a year. Or take your business to the next level.
But you do not feel ready, or you do not think that you are ready, or both.
I want you to pause right there and consider:
Is the “not ready” actually true, or is this a story that you keep telling yourself?
Is the “not ready” line of thinking empowering you, or is it turning you into a victim?
Do you really think that “one day” you will wake up and feel ready out of the blue? Like, when Jupiter moves out of Capricorn and Venus squares your Moon (add your own favorite spiritual excuse of the moment)?
Here is a perspective shift:
Being ready is not something that happens to you. Being ready is something that you choose (and deliberately create).
This is a fundamental change in attitude that will determine whether you are always living on a back foot, letting life happen TO you – or if you are participating IN life, being an active self-responsible sovereign co-creator of your experiences.
If I were your coach, I would ask you two (and a half) questions about this:
1) Do you want to be ready?
and
2) What does being ready look like, specifically?
and
2.5) If you want to be ready and know what beings ready looks like: by when do you choose to be ready?
Spoiler alert, in most cases the answer to the question number 2,5 was: “by now” (followed by an action plan to put some steps in place and solidify the shifts, if needed).
Let’s look at these questions in more depth.
The “Do you want to be ready” question is a moment of truth.
It confronts you with the reality of all the lies and cover-ups your ego has come up with in order to delay the inevitable. Which is: admitting the real nature of your intentions.
Look at your life and notice how often you have used the “I am not ready” as a copout, when in all honesty, you never intended or wanted to be ready, ever? And how often have you been on the receiving end of this excuse? Wouldn’t it have been better to learn the real truth?
There is one caveat here though. An answer I often get from clients goes somewhat along the lines of: “Yes I want to be ready, but I do not know how” or “Yes but I am not sure I can ever be ready for this.” Now, admitting these doubts opens the door to an entirely different level of conversation, the one that will probably involve digging deeper into some limiting beliefs, self-worth, family patters, childhood wounds – all the way to karmic imprints and so on. And this is where deepest healing can occur – but it will never happen if you cover all of this up with the “I am not ready” statement.
The “What does being ready look like” question takes you out of the realm of the vague “I am not ready” story into the realm of facts – the realm within which you can make a difference and change things. As human beings we sometimes tend to think in lofty concepts, and could use being more specific with the meanings we assign to the widely accepted notions.
So, deconstruct your “I am not ready” and make it tangible. Put it all on the table. What does being ready look and feel like? What are the specific readiness indicators for you? How will you know that you are ready? After you answer these questions, you will see how the clouds disappear. No more assumptions about that evasive “ready” state. You might even find yourself suddenly and miraculously ready for your big thing in the process, who knows.
The “By when do you choose to be ready” question invites you into clarity and commitment to a defined container. See, there is nothing wrong with needing to get psychologically ready for a big decision or a massive life change. I am not saying that you should jump into things without proper emotional and mental preparation.
However, you need to be able to discern between actually preparing and stalling. Creating a defined container for your preparation gives you the space to process and get ready, however, it precludes you from endless procrastination and self-delusion. Give yourself a definite timeframe, and go all in on doing the inner work. You might discover that you do not need as long as you think you do.
As you can see, “I am not ready” is never just “I am not ready” (unless you are signing up for a marathon!). It is always pointing to something deeper.
“I am not ready to commit to you” could mean: “I am not that into you, I do not really choose you”. Or “I am afraid to fail in doing the work of handling all the fears that will arise in the process of going deeper together.” And so much more.
“I am not ready to invest in this program” could mean: “I am not that interested in this after all” or “I do not see how this will benefit me” or “I do not trust myself to do what it takes to receive the potential life-changing benefits of this.” And so on.
So please, please, do not take your thoughts and feelings of “I am not ready” at face value. Deconstruct them. Question them. Disrupt your patterns.
Because the truth is, you can get ready for (almost) anything (almost) instantaneously.
This is how you make quantum leaps.
This is how you create success.
This is how you become unstoppable.
