When I left my marriage
I used the phrase,
“I need to find myself.”
As if somewhere along the line
I had gone off and gotten lost.
But I had.
I had strayed from myself.
I had been born into a world
That would condition me to
Lose complete and utter touch with myself.
Through trauma,
Abuse,
Brainwashing,
Coping mechanisms of survival,
Performance,
And perfectionism.
It’s a lot to shift through,
To shed,
And release.
When the trauma releases enough
There’s a sense of
Who am I without this?
Who am I without fighting for my life?
Who am I without all of my coping mechanisms?
You are left in this nothingness
This confusion
A void
And all you can do is be present with it.
Love it,
Shower it with compassion,
And watch as you change.
Watch as a solidness takes over.
A deep and everlasting peace,
Presence,
Love,
Forgiveness,
Beauty –
All the from the inside out.
A feeling of home –
Within.
Never to be destroyed again.
This is your transformation.
This is your homecoming.
This your life.
Living.
No longer fighting for survival.
Resting deeply and profoundly
In your soul.
The home you built
From all that destroyed you.
