I remember when I was growing up not being one hundred percent comfortable with my body. I’m not sure if it happens to everyone, but it was definitely the case for me.
I worried about my weight constantly because I was bullied and told I was fat all the way through elementary school up to the point where I graduated from college. I didn’t really start learning to love myself until I was in my late twenties and early thirties, to be quite honest.
Some days it’s still a struggle, quite honestly.
They say comparison is a thief of joy, and the only person you should strive to be better than is the person you were yesterday. I try to live by those two phrases, but sometimes I see my reflection in a store window or a mirror and go: “Is that really what I look like?”.
When I was twelve my mother told me she was thinner than me on her wedding day. The incident left me with even less self-confidence than I had previously, and it made it wither away, even more, when my parents constantly pushed me to exercise. They told me it was because they wanted me to be healthy, but I took it as they were embarrassed about my weight and thought I was fat.
Boys at my school stared at me at lunch and laughed as I ate anything until I no longer ate anything for lunch but zebra cakes so that no one would stare at me.
They made me hate myself and my self-image.
Looking back at the pictures of me in high school and my early twenties, I realize I spent all that time in self-loathing for nothing. I wasn’t fat. I was beautiful! But, of course, I couldn’t see that then.
I was struggling to like myself, and wondering if I would ever be thin enough or pretty enough.
Coupled with my anxiety and depression, this lack of self-confidence and worry about my weight didn’t exactly make for the most wonderful combination.
But I recognize now that all bodies are good bodies, all bodies are beautiful, and beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.
Please be mindful of what you say and how you treat people. Being fat phobic and treating people as if they are less than just because they’re on the heavier side is not okay. Skinny shaming is also very cruel. You don’t know someone’s health history or what they’re going through – I know girls who cannot gain weight even though they try and others who can’t seem to lose weight no matter how much they exercise and portion control.
I’ve always been healthy and eaten semi-well despite that half a year of zebra cakes and iced tea for school lunches.
Just mind yourself and your own health. If someone asks for your advice or tips, then and only then should you give your opinion. Don’t shame someone for existing. Life is hard enough as it is without feeling as if you’ll never be good enough.
Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.
If you like this article, check out: https://stories.harnessmagazine.com/i-will-always-be-fat/
