Self-care eludes me.
The more attention I focus on it – the more things in my life slip through the cracks.
Why is it that balancing ourselves always seems the hardest?
Why is it that I would rather focus on repairing the holes in another human being than the holes inside myself?
Maybe because it’s too painful or too hard to focus on myself.
Maybe it’s something I don’t want to bring to the forefront of my mind.
I haven’t found the answer to this riddle.
I know time is a significant factor.
When I was young – I had too much of it.
Now that I am older and wiser, I realize there is never enough.
We will always be chasing time –
as it is chasing us.
I hope to be better with myself in 2018.
More apologetic.
More giving.
I hope to listen better.
Listen to when I need rest.
Listen to the voices in my head that say slow down
Listen when I need to push farther.
I hope to deal with the complicated issues that sometimes arise in my mind.
To untangle instead of brush under the rug.
To laugh big roaring laughs when it suits me
and cry deep unapologetic cries when they surface.
I hope to lose my sense of control.
Yes. Lose control.
Of all the things I try to influence, but ultimately aren’t up to me.
As much as we think control is the answer it’s not.
Some things need to run its course.
Some people need to run their course.
Sometimes doing nothing – is doing something.
The last two years have been rapid growth in my personal and professional life.
Those strings that society seems to tie around our wrists and ankles.. you know.. the ones that make us dance like puppets to the same tune as everyone else?
I think I have slowly started severing those.
It’s felt good.
But just because it feels good doesn’t meant those around you understand it.
I hope this becomes a little more graceful and easier on others – because I have no intention of stopping until all the strings are gone.
You see – I haven’t mentioned eating healthy or exercising once. Not in my entire self-care emotional deep dive.
Why is this?
Because self-care is more than one thing.
Self-care is mental and physical.
You can exercise until your eyes bleed, but that’s not going to fix the relationship you have with yourself.
Recognize this separation of mental and physical.
Tend to each of those gardens.
I hope to focus on the mental and physical equally in 2018.
Stretch into my down-dogs.
Motivate myself to get my heartrate up.
Pick up the apple over the cookie.
Feed my body the fuel it needs to feel nourished.
Laugh.
Put the phone down.
Hug more often.
Tell people they are worthy and great and needed.
Tell myself I am worthy, great and needed.
Cheers to being easier on ourselves in 2018 my friend.
Yours truly,
A.L.R.
Sometimes talking to another person helps. If you’re interested in online counseling BetterHelp provides those services.
