I’m sitting here in this dark room, thinking, reflecting, trying to make sense of all the lies and bulls***. Even in this moment of silence, I feel the sharpness of the knife slowly placed in my back inches away from my heart. The wounds, multiplying, never getting the chance to heal yet my love for you pushes me though. My heart, placed before you, only to have it stepped on over and over again. My mind is frustrated with the constant battle of what I dream for us only for my heart to be crushed with the realities of what we have become. Distant. Cold. Disconnected. And yet, here I stand before you, fighting, trying to show you that I’m committed to being with you every step of the way only to be knocked down by your own selfish ways. You won’t allow me to love you, care for you, connect with you in the way I’ve only longed for since the day we decided to take a chance on us, yet, I’ve been walking our path alone. I’ve arrived at a tunnel, where I am trying to find my way amongst the midst of lies, hurt, and betrayal. I look up and I see a light, calling to me, whispering sweet nothings of hope and forgiveness, but my heart screams louder. I can feel myself, being drawn back in by your magnetic chaos. Even though I know you could truly never love me the way I’ve loved you, the strings continue to pull me back into the madness. I reach towards the light, praying for a way out, but for now, your siren call is still much too strong. One day, I’ll get there. One day, my worth will give me the strength I need to find what I long for, but until then, “let me go deal with this bulls***.”
