It seems as if the words “holiday” and “food” are synonymous. Or at least that is how my poisoned little brain sees it.
Cookies, candy, cake, chocolate; it is everywhere. And people appear to enjoy this. Well I most certainly do not, or at least did not. I am learning to. Although the past year has been one of self-love and discovery, I am and always will be an anorexic. No matter how strong my brain and body grows, those thoughts will always be there, folded up in the back of my mind like the clothes from last season that you tucked away, presuming that a warm day will not come where you are forced to go through the tumultuous effort of relocating and unboxing your spring clothes. However that does not mean they do not exist. Those floral t-shirts and maxi skirts are still very much alive in your household; you just cannot see them.
Anorexia works the very same way. You weaken the disease by not feeding into it, but it is an opportunistic little rascal and will rear its ugly face the moment an opportunity presents itself. And during a time where food is the center focus of every single social event you attend, it is a struggle to keep that Jack in the box. But I am learning. I am learning that a cookie will not make me “fat” and that food is fuel, and it can also be fun. I am learning coping strategies for when I feel overwhelmed, such as excusing myself to get some fresh, crisp December air, or to do a quick Pinterest scroll through my board of motivational quotes. But most of all, I am learning to be flexible. I have learned that all food is composed of nutritional properties that my body needs to survive and work efficiently, and I have fallen into a passionate love affair with seeing my body grow strong and succeed in doing just that.
For some, this is a season of joy and sweets. For others, it is a time of crippling anxiety and sheer terror. No matter what feelings this season brings your way, just know that this is also a time of love and compassion. Be kind and patient with others, for they may not see the holiday season as a bright and merry one.
Name: Emily E Klausfelder
Email: [email protected]
Author Bio: Emily has suffered and successfully recovered from Anorexia, Depression, and Panic Disorder through her discovery of body building. She is now an NPC Bikini Competitor, fitness model, and self-love advocate.
Link to social media or website: https://www.instagram.com/emmyk_inchaarg/
