THE SHADOW IN HER WOMB
the deepest
darkest
parts of yourself
the parts of yourself that you don’t just hide from OTHERS
but you hide from YOURSELF.
the first hidden thought creeped into your head when you were just a girl.
innocent.
naive.
you didn’t know what to do with it.
you didn’t know how to COPE with the pain of it…
so. you put it away for safekeeping, stored it in a box.
what you’ve forgotten is that you hid that box
INSIDE OF YOURSELF.
and so there it lives.
lurking…
seeping through the cracks in the box.
having its say in every aspect of you life
its voice its louder than you may even know
but… then again.
YOU KNOW.
you feel it.
deep in your core….
the pain your soul carries
memories. your body knows them well.
the truth bubbles up from time to time
but you run away when you start to feel the pain it brings.
BUT YOU CAN’T RUN FROM YOURSELF FOREVER
the pain is in you and there is no escaping it.
you are creating it
you are letting it grow
by not looking at the pain directly. acknowledging its presence. giving it a name…
your SHADOW.
the parts of you that scream in the night
your fear.
you may have carried it with you for lifetimes. letting it fester. it’s ugly, it’s gross….
it’s dark.
BUT
the dark cannot exist with out the light.
the light cannot exist with out the dark
WE HAVE BOTH.
it only takes one little light to crack open that box…. and reveal all the darkness.
it can’t hide out in it’s dark room anymore.
LIGHT THAT SHIT UP
GET BRUTALLY HONEST
i’ll be honest.
i’ve got one… and her name is self disgust.
pure, self. loathing. it hates everything about my humanness
this body, these feelings…. the way my body does things with out my control… how it grows…. how it feels, it looks
disgust with my ancestry.
i’ve felt persecuted from the start.
i’m starting to remember why
the pain of the women before me, my blood.
we’ve been silenced
we’ve been scared to come out of hiding
because we’ve fought for ourselves before
and been KILLED for it
tortured
i feel mama earth’s cry. HEAL ME
FREE ME
they ABUSE ME
i feel it deep in my bones. I AM a PART of it.
ANGER. that stems not just from myself
generations of fear…
that if i speak up
if i truly BE here, exactly as I AM…
they will kill me again
the will wound me
TODAY
today is a new day
it’s safe here….
but still.
i recognize, i admit.
YES.
that voice… the shadow, the gunk… it’s still there.
and
it’s scared of the greatness that I AM without it.
i refuse to be at war with myself.
it’s not about RELEASING so much as it is…. ACKNOWLEDGING.
loving the shadow. the shadow cannot fight with love.
nothing can fight with love.
true, deep love. even for the darkness.
divine love.
so much greater than my humanness.
the divine love that dances and sings through all of creation
the love that whispers quietly into my heart.
HEY BABE
you’re alright
WE GOT THIS
sometimes the love gets ANGRY
it ROARS
when it feel my shadow winning
the wind of its voice gets loud.
until it knocks the beast back into its place
the thing about it though….
IF THERE WAS NO DARKNESS
WHAT WOULD BE THE POINT OF THE LIGHT
this
is why the shadow proves the sunshine.
❤
Author: Karly Ann
artist, poet, dreamer, dancer, creative spirit, yoga teacher, soul FINDER, fierce grace, fully alive.
Everything i do is with passion, with love, with hope for a healing planet… it is our stories that unite us all. i am blessed to share a piece my story with you, in prayers that it will illuminate yours.
http://www.karlyannalive.com
