FINDING PRINCE CHARMING
I was a little girl who couldn’t stop dreaming, whose ideologies were pretty much shaped by the stories of Disney Princesses and who let herself believe that finding a Prince Charming, amongst all other pursuits in life, was an important task. I tried finding an Aladdin, or a Prince Eric in every guy I found interesting, and to my little self’s unfortunate disappointment, none of them showed any signs of trying to move out of the comfortably established friend-zone (looking back, neither did I).
Yet, full of hope and determination, I didn’t give up. But my big, hopeful heart and my dreams were shattered when a classmate of mine pointed out that I was ugly and fat. The Princess in me died that day in ninth-grade recess. The mirror became an enemy, and my body became something I was completely ashamed of. I retreated into a shell, and the rest of the school years I remained invisible. I did have a few minor crushes, but I never spoke to any – I just hid myself behind the curtains. I was ashamed. I was afraid.
Fast forward to college – I wanted to start afresh, begin with a clean slate, forget about that horrendous comment and move on. I straightened my thick, curly, waist-length hair. Honestly, I loved my curly hair – it had become a part of my personality, but, I did not want to be classified as ‘ugly’ or ‘fat’, and I had to take necessary precautions. I changed my wardrobe – from oversized Dad’s Tees to colourful new clothes, and I felt a little more confident.
My newfound confidence lasted for a few hours after entering college. Soon, I was back in Dad’s Tees, and a few days after trying to be sociable and getting nothing in return, I blamed my ugly body and retreated back into my shell. I was under-confident. I hated myself.
A couple of months later, I went to another city along with the college’s sports contingent representing the college for Table Tennis. There was this guy from another team who gave me an unnatural amount of attention – no one had ever spoken to me as much as he did. I convinced myself he’d leave – but he didn’t, and a few weeks later, I knew I was in trouble because I found every single Disney Prince in him – he was perfect, and I couldn’t any longer see him as a friend.
Unfortunately, I hated myself so much that I had myself convinced he hated me too. I knew nothing could ever happen. I slowly distanced myself – trying to protect myself from all the hurt – and soon, he disappeared from my life.
I tried getting over him, but I couldn’t. A lot of things reminded me of him – a song, a few places, and a few memories that just couldn’t be forgotten. I moped around for months. My cousin sister, who I’m incredibly close to, tried driving some sense into me, but failed every time. Once, she even gave up on me. I went to meet her on the vacation when she looked at me straight in the eye and told me – ‘No one’s every going to love you if you don’t love yourself. Stop with this silly self-pity and start working for yourself.’
And that was when I realized how stupid I was – to be hung up over a guy who didn’t seem to care all that much, and I started doing things for myself. I started dieting, exercising, and soon enough I had a body I didn’t hate all that much. I started wearing clothes old-me wouldn’t have dared even looking at, I built my confidence step by step. I started loving the curves of my body and the imperfections in my face. I gave myself a gift of spending quality time with the most important person in the world – me. And that was when I realized – hey, I’m not so bad after all!
Yet, it was hard for me to get over him. When I kept replaying the scenes of the past I realized that there was, in fact, a possibility that he liked me too, and I tried contacting him. He seemed very disinterested. I figured he might’ve moved on if ever he liked me, and I knew it was time for me to, as well.
And I did.
A couple of months later, I started dating another guy, and we hit it off pretty well. To be honest, I did not find an Aladdin or even a Prince Eric in him (for starters, he had a moustache, and I was absolutely against moustached guys), but I’ll tell you what I found – I found someone who understands me like no one else, who knows exactly what’s going on in my head, who puts up with all my whining, dramas and mood swings, who doesn’t ever get bored of complimenting me (although it has been ten months), who loves me in a way I never had imagined was possible.
I found my Prince.
