I sit in it. Instead of allowing my numbing antennas to be realized. It’s like sitting in shit. I’m allowing my whole self to be wrapped up in it’s foul odor. The thoughts that flood through, start to make me nauseous. I have this time to cry and completely break. My bones no longer have nourishment, now that you’re no longer… reachable. When we would allow one another peace, you’d then notice how stunning I actually am in all of my mess. You’d pull me into you and we would feel our bodies melt. I liken it to a melted Snickers. When you finally unwrap me and I melt right into the curves of your fingertips. When you finally lick off my chocolate, parts of me still remain; so much until you gather me until I’m dry. Even then, I last until the last of my flavor is washed with red wine.
I sit in the hard truth, that I held onto you because I’ve met you before. You’ve always been in the shadow of my mind. The visions were never really clear until I pulled back and saw the look in your eyes after our kiss. Each kiss, your coal colored eyes would fill with tears. You’d hold your stare longer than I. Afraid to recognize my own beauty; I’d ingest yours and it covered my bones, curved my hips and flushed through my soul. It sits constipated in my heart. What now?! What did you do with your feelings? I know they were there! What do I even like about you? You have no real interest in me.
It’s the way you reach for me in your sleep. I liken you to the lake, it’s waves continue to reach out to the shore and gather it near. I feel you reach for me. I feel your breath tickle my neck, and when you whisper “come here” I fall into you. We’ve met before. You’ve always been this shadow in my mind. You’ve seen me before too. I’ve always been there. That’s what you fear most. You’re getting closer to the light. The rays always reveal. You’d rather sit in darkness. Remember this. Remember how I reached for you. I called to you. I screamed your name…BRANDON!!
And you walked away.
