It’s a sweet kind of chaos
one you never fully know until you jump in with both feet.
Your head barely staying above water,
treading, hoping you can catch your breath.
Pushing yourself to the brink of exhaustion only to come back for more
then changing that boundary line – only to step right over it
and reset boundary lines – until super-human strength emerges
and you wonder who needs sleep at all?
Adjusting and readjusting and changing just as you finally figure everything out.
Growth spurts overnight while theirs are so visible yours are internal and you realize the mother you once were is a distant memory from the one you are now.
A love so big it swells your heart until it explodes and the tiny pieces emerge back together even bigger than before.
Smiles and giggles explode like fireworks as the pitter-patter of little feet around the house becomes your favorite song.
Holding on so tightly to the current moment but wanting the ease of older, wiser years and self-sufficiency that only time can bring.
Bedtime routines, sleepy angel-like eyes, and outstretched arms make you wonder if they will always need you this much.
I hope they always need me this much.
Tip-toe in the middle of the night to catch a peek of peacefulness and send up a small prayer saying – thank you for letting me get this lucky as they catch Zzz’s and sleep their little sleeps with tushy’s high in the air.
Wake up in the morning and do it all again with sprinkles of vacation, new shoes, bigger clothes, fevers, smiles, and tears.
Fall asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow – fighting for one second of you time. One second of just me.
Wake up a year has gone by, time seems like an illusion going so fast and slow at the same time.
Motherhood a sweet kind of chaos you quite never imagined and if you asked me if I’d do it all over again –
the answer is always yes.
