And just like that
In an instant
All the anxiety
Comes flooding back
The smell of cigar smoke
Lingering on your shirt
The empty beer bottle
Left unhidden on your desk
With all the memories of the past
My heart beating faster in my chest
My mind begging myself
Not to text my ex
Because only he would understand
My mind screaming at myself
No, don’t let him back in
So instead, I sit here
Writing these thoughts
As if an answer will appear
By the end
And yet
I am still waiting
Still hoping
Maybe this time I am stronger
And do not need him to lean on
Maybe I won’t cry myself to sleep tonight
And the depression won’t paralyze me
Covering me like a blanket
Of warmth
Hiding me in all the things
I have already let go of
And forgiven
Maybe
Maybe not
