5 a.m.
Awake. Again.
I’m tired
Days run into each other
Did I eat anything this morning?
Is it even morning?
Did I take my meds?
All of them?
All of them.
The only thing that breaks up the days is appointments and tests.
Mostly it’s waiting
Waiting for the next test,
The next question,
The next call from the doctor.
Or maybe it’s the new specialist I’m waiting on,
Can’t remember anymore.
I’m so tired.
The pain…is constant.
Constant and growing.
Sometimes I reread my test results for clues
The internet has been less than helpful.
I’m at the mercy of medical magicians.
That’s what I wish they were,
Magicians who could take it all away.
Nothing has worked so far.
Enigma is not a word you want to hear from doctors treating you.
I’m so very tired of it all.
But I’ll keep waiting,
Waiting and hoping,
chronically.