Maybe you’ve experienced trauma and loss.
Trauma is a word that holds a lot more weight than others.
It feels like something that doesn’t belong to me, it didn’t happen to me, but it happened to me.. Those experiences that brought me back to humanity, and separated me from it as well, depending on which experience you want to hear about, I guess.
Those moments you have to relive in order to grow out of it.
I feel like the pain I hold isn’t even mine, or the moment I allow myself to feel it, I tell myself to stop feeling sorry for myself. It feels like I’m not allowed to be sad.
It really slows down the healing process, or maybe it’s cutting corners. I tend to look at things from all kinds of perspectives (sometimes) because Iknow there’s no certainty to anything, whether it’s theories on mental health or evolution. I try to go to therapy at least once a year, which seems about enough to hold me over and give me the tools to process. I feel okay to process. It’s not that Irepress or avoid.. it’s just as soon as I feel sad, I don’t feel validated in those feelings. And I’m not looking for that validation, I’m just working towards being okay with those feelings and separating it from feeling sorry for myself.
