It’s January of 2019. I joined a new dating app and after chatting with numerous men on Hinge, I finally went on a date with someone. Our first date was great! We went out a second time and then he asked for a third. As a 20 something who was all too familiar with being let down by dating apps, I was pleasantly surprised that I had even made it this far with a guy.
On our third date, we were having a good conversation and listening to music in his car. I felt really connected to him and was genuinely having a good time. Then, as it always does, the conversation went sexual. He asked the dreadful questions I wish hadn’t been brought up yet, “What are you into?” Followed by, “How many people have you been with?” I could feel my face getting warm, as my anxiety started to rise.
At 21 years old, I had been with 0 people. Sure, I’ve engaged in some sexual activity, but I was still a virgin. Due to my past experiences, I was not surprised when he ghosted me after date number 3. I remember thinking, why does my virginity have to ruin my dating life?
Now as a 23-year-old virgin, I can say that my virginity is not a problem and should not be of concern to others. Over the last year and a half, I have learned how to better navigate dating as a virgin in my 20s by keeping these 5 tips in mind:
- If your partner is genuinely interested, your virginity won’t bother them.
- Knowing your body and what you like can help you feel more comfortable with physical intimacy and it’s a great way to experience solo sexual pleasure. Masturbation and physical self-exploration may help you feel more confident in your body.
- Be mindful of self-doubt; don’t assume every date or relationship will end negatively because of your lack of sexual experience. Being a virgin may seem like a big stressful deal in your head, but in reality, the person you’re with may not be turned off at all and accept it because they like you for who you are.
- There are numerous ways to be intimate with a partner that doesn’t involve sex. From cuddling and kissing to sharing deep conversations and traveling, it is possible to connect with a partner without engaging in sexual activity.
- There’s no pressure to lose your virginity. If you choose to, do it when it feels right and when you genuinely want to.
Being a virgin in your early 20s (or 20s in general) is completely okay, no matter what others may say. Your virginity does not define you. Remember, there is no timeline that you have to follow, you are free to keep or lose it as you please.
If you like this article, check out: https://stories.harnessmagazine.com/partner-first-lover-second/
