Can I let you in on a little secret?
I’ve been struggling lately with my singleness. (There. I said it. I’m speaking it out to diminish its power over me.)
I’ve been wrestling with seeing, what I perceive as, progress and forward motion with literally EVERYONE else around me, but not seeing it for myself. I battle with my own feelings of self-worth and truth is, I’m probably muddying up my own identity simply by over-admiring others’. But honestly, I know I’m just being suuuper impatient even though I firmly believe that what the Lord has for me is entirely for me. Annnd completely worth the wait.
Forget “one of those days.” (sigh) It’s one of those… seasons.
Since returning home, I’ve been met with the word perspective. Constantly. A reminder of the many little memories on my trip that forced me to shift my own. The memories that displayed a neglect towards that heart of gratitude until someone else deeply admired something that I had. Something that I took for granted.
It happened again on this morning’s drive to work. I was on the freeway when I began mentally preparing to boldly share this struggle with my dGroup this week. During my drive – which normally takes just under an hour – these three things happened:
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The first was a quote shared via Instagram that read: “When Jesus said we’re to have life to the full, He wasn’t just talking about life after our trip down the aisle.”
Whoa. Mini wake up call. Am I living life to the full despite my relationship status?
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The next was the title of the newest episode of my faaavorite podcast Girls Night. “Our Best Encouragement for the Woman Who’s Sick of Being Single.”
Like whaaat?! I think my eyes really read “Episode 75: For you, Monique.”
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I pulled in the Starbucks parking lot and quickly shared the podcast and a baby version of its relevance with a couple other girls when the third hit. A friend of mine replied, sharing her own heart in this space. And I mean, her WHOLE heart. I was in tears in the Starbucks drive-thru. And once again, a little snap. A necessity to shift my perspective. To find the value within my struggle and to move from what I think I desire to what I actually desire. Or better yet, what the Lord desires for me because let’s be real, I couldn’t desire that in my wildest dreams.
Snap. Crackle. POP!
Three things that politely whispered “I see you” reassuring me of the necessity of this season.
Three things that reminded me of my value in God’s eyes. I’m so special to Him. Like, He took a few moments this morning – selected a few people and a few IG quotes – just to let me know I’m seen and loved and purposed. And in the place, time, season, space that I’m supposed to be. Like my sweet friend said, “Our destiny and purpose can’t be bound to just anybody.”
Three things that asked the hard question: Am I effectively living out this season of singleness to the fullest or am I just impatiently waiting for the next chapter to begin already?
As yesterday’s message at church turned the focus on discovering what’s written in our “book,” (the story that God’s penned for our lives), I found myself fully diving into that search.
I always hear “travel while you’re young, single and childless,” but what about “DO while you’re young, single and childless” or “BE while you’re young, single and childless” or better yet HEAL, GROW, FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF while you’re young, single and childless. This past year has been a year of tremendous healing and as I parked in the work garage, it took, like, two seconds of actually sitting and focusing long enough on myself to actually see the progression and forward motion happening over here!
Perspective.
I know, one day in the future, there will be a Monique deeply desiring what I have now. Deeply desiring time. Time to creatively venture into new things. Time to heal. Time to experience life my own way. Time to develop an intimacy with self that’s still new and exciting. Time to dream. Time to gather the resources necessary for what’s to come next. So I’ll take this struggle and let it propel me to gratitude knowing its only preparing me for what’s the come.
To anyone else struggling in a season of singleness, YOU. ARE. NOT. ALONE. I’ll simply say I feel you. Completely. And to everyone else, I challenge you to find your struggle, to speak truth over it, and to shift your perspective to find the gift within the stronghold.
