In any relationship, the search for realness can be quiet the quest. You can tell from body language, tone, demeanors, and even wardrobe that people tend to try to hard to be something that their not. In this social media driven society, many are trying to keep up with an image that is honestly nonexistent. You have many even going under the knife to be the image of a toy that simply was created to give people hope during that specific era.
So many people are committing suicide because they are bullied for being who they are, their authentic self. Red flags and warning signs were shown but yet people ignore until it’s to late. I was told recently that this current society is extremely sensitive. That one wrong move, comment, or thought can make or break someone’s perception of you. This quite honestly has become unnecessarily stressful for me. I have to watch what I say or do because it can offend someone. Meanwhile, I’ve been offended majority of my life. Being to much of one and not the other, or “Your not like your siblings”, or “Oh you’re apart of that family?” can scar someone deep to the core. Even now with the creation of the virtual reality world, people search for a better more colorful life than the one that is currently their own.
Why is authenticity so strange to ask for? Or strange to see? Why is the need for approval much stronger than the approval and love for yourself? Why is it in a moment of positivity or celebration, someone has to drive that negative nugget of caution? Almost as if this moment is going to spoil if…..happens. Why can’t realness be well…real.
In relationships, when things don’t work out to our liking, we tend to blame ourselves. Almost as of everything down to the moment of meeting was our fault. If I did it this way, that way, or presented myself as such this would have worked out. This is done so much to the point where we fail to realize that perhaps it wasn’t our fault to begin with. Maybe just maybe that other person couldn’t see the value of who you truly are. That maybe just maybe that person carried so much insecurity and pain that they couldn’t be the person you needed or wanted. That in fact that breakup was the best thing that could have happened to you. This is when you take a step back and realize that the need for acceptance is far greater then that relationship.
Regardless to what others or a movement may say, every person on this earth desires companionship. Wether it’s a friendship, romantic, work, or even educational people long for that connection. You can even take it as far back as in the bible when God said “It is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). This very scripture can be taken so far out of context that people can be subjected to abuse. Yes we as a people are better together. However, that doesn’t mean we have to stay in a toxic environment for the rest of our lives. That yes, we need relationships so I have to take this abuse from my family, friends, and even employer.
I would caution people to understand the difference between a toxic environment versus a learning moment. Within a toxic environment, the value of self is decreased so much so that you can’t even recognize yourself in the mirror. While in a learning moment, you see certain sides of yourself that need to be improved and or strengthen for your own personal growth. I would challenge you to take a step back in the current season you are in and ask yourself if this is toxic, or an educational moment. If it is in fact toxic, do what you can to remove yourself. That can be asking for help form someone you trust, waking away, or even relocating to another state. If however, this season is in fact an educational moment, take notes and do a deep self evaluation. You’d be surprised how much learning you have to do in order to grow.
In my constant quest for growth, I’ve realized how much I have changed. I can see that I’m stronger than I was a decade ago and sometimes that scares myself. My strongness can come be uncomfortable to others to the point where they themselves are afraid to even talk to me. That my own personal comfortability makes them question if they should even be around me.
Now can my strength be a little to much at times? Yes, simply because it can come across as if I don’t need or want anyone. Almost as of it’s the “I got it” or “I know it” mentality. That my strength can become a shell of protection for my vulnerabilities. Being strong can be a gift and a curse. Yes it can be great at times but sometimes I want to be that person that can cry on someone’s shoulder without the worry of being taken advantage of or even misunderstood.
Sometimes that very quest of authenticity is not with others, but simply with myself. I want to be who I am without the fear of judgement or condemnation. That I want to say how I feel without someone being so easily offended and I have to apologize later. Or that I want to shower someone with love and appreciation and not have to fear that this very act can be misunderstood as a quality of friendship and not a romantic one.
For myself, the search for authenticity is for someone to truly see not only themselves, but to also truly see me. To have healthy relationships that cause growth and not shrinkage. That provides protection and not uncovering. That gives more laughter than pain or sadness. That very authenticity that can make you enjoy life and not search for it somewhere else or in someone else. The type of authenticity that brings true exceptance of self and others. Hopefully, I’ll find it soon in others because I’ve already found it within myself. And let me tell you, that this self authenticity is down right beautiful.
