Love is complicated. I never pictured myself with someone- I was used to going solo. I imagined myself a female Jack Kerouac as a grown-up, minus the alcoholism. Yet I loved love stories- “True Romance” and Amelie” are still favourites. In low lonely moments as a young adult, I would imagine the loveliest romantic parts of those movies happening to me and long for partnership- even after heartbreak, even after ugly encounters in relationships.
But always, for the long-term future, I imagined myself alone.
Sometimes life surprises you. Sometimes the stuff you were sure you were better off doing alone can be done best with support. I was pushed suddenly into that strange realization when I met my husband. It was 2007 and dating apps were just starting to become a thing. I didn’t use them because I had decided to stop looking for love and just work on myself. I liked being alone. I didn’t want to buy into that society standard of being paired up anymore.
I stood in front of my future husband, and when he started talking, I knew. I knew I would love him and my first thought was, “Oh, f*ck,” because I was so sure I wanted and needed to be alone. I’ll spare you most of the starry-eyed stuff. It was such a chance encounter. I didn’t know anyone that he knew. We just happened to walk into the same pub. I accidentally cut in front of him to order a drink and my whole life changed. It sure wrecked my plans. I wanted to be alone to Get. Shit. Done! The world had other plans.
At that one chance meeting we talked; we shared book loves, life goals and hobbies were discovered. I wanted him to be my best friend. I also didn’t expect it to last.
But, against all the odds, it did last. I found in him my person. When I falter, he’s there to calmly say, “Get up, you can do this. You are amazing.” He says, “Thank you gorgeous” and “Good night beautiful” so often that I am beginning to believe in those qualities. He is not moralistic or condescending when he says those things. It is his genuine way of saying it that really gets me. He means it and his belief in me gives me faith in myself. When I falter, he reminds me of my strengths and gives me constructive feedback. I’ve started a blog and an Etsy business because of his encouragement. As a teen, I was bullied. It’s hard to be trustful of your own abilities after that. But he sees me and makes me see the good in myself.
Marriage is not always easy. It is work. When I find fault in something he does, it is usually a fault in myself that I am shining a light on. Once I realise it, I try hard to remedy my weakness- yelling at him for not putting away the silverware perfectly made me realize I need to tone down my Type A personality, for example. While I work on being more patient, he works on his communication. Sometimes we argue. I am awful. I yell horrible things at him about everything I perceive to be wrong with him and must apologize later. He doesn’t walk away. We talk it out. It seems to make us stronger. Being married is a baffling partnership with no set guidebook or rules. Because, love is complicated. But it is also worth it if you open yourself to it.
Author: Tianna Morison
Email: [email protected]
Author Bio: Tianna Morison is a blogger based in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. She has a B.A. in English and Literature and spends her days raising her two young children. She loves her kids, her cat and organizing her hectic mom schedule. She is currently obsessed with eating real food to solve gut issues, minimalist lifestyle and puns. Read more on her blog www.babblingpanda.com or follow her on Instagram or Twitter where she pursues her nerdy loves and tea obsession.
Link to social media or website: Instagram @babblingpanda_wynne | Twitter @_babbling_panda http://babblingpanda.com/
Photo by John Schnobrich on Unsplash
