The other day I was at work, looking around the environment and world I’ve created and chose to be a part of. I had imagined it so differently only a few years ago. I had pleaded and begged the Universe to go one way while it pushed me down a path I struggled to embrace.
When I graduated college, I took a leap to follow my dream of being a part of something I deemed greater than myself. I wanted to be of use to the world around me and ultimately, I wanted to make an impact and use my voice and passion to foster goodness when sadness and heartbreak seems to plague our worlds at times. I narrowed in on one way to do that.
After 6 months of being put in situations that cultivated me into someone I was not, into someone who reeked of anxiety, stress, and panic, I knew I could not be of service in that light.
For the first time in my life, I had to make a decision where I didn’t know what was next – one that centered around my mental health. How could I be giving up my dream? How am I not strong enough for this? How could I leave a commitment prematurely? I wondered at the time.
There’s this timeline we create in our heads, a limiting belief of what society deems next or righteous. I had done everything I said I was going to, but now what? I believed I had failed at this endeavor; I had been a let down to myself and so many others.
Flash forward to two years and a global pandemic later, all I can think of is my strength and fortitude to know my inner being, to value my mental health, and to call attention to unacceptable situations.
I was not okay with being silenced, although at the time, I felt small, ashamed, and faliable. That was not the case.
To leave a situation that is deteriorating your mental health is honorable, and far from an easy feat, especially when you’ve made commitments.
From everything I’ve learned and worked through, I know that there is not a singular destination that will bring you joy – there is not one plan that fits everyone. That’s why there is choice and grace, and that’s why you have your voice to use and feet to change direction.
I’ve learned to embrace the moments of turmoil and to be proud of myself when I make decisions that are in alignment with my essence and integrity, knowing anyone who may judge or question me doesn’t have to walk miles in my mind.
So as I look around now at where I am, I know to trust the journey, be strong enough to speak up, and embrace change as it’s a portal to new heights. So I bask in the now, there’s tremendous room for growth and impact yet to be made in due time.
