My father did not take care of me while growing up. Finally seeing him after more than 10 years for the first time as an adult, trying to implement a healthy daughter-father relationship (something I dreamed of) reinforced the deep feeling of abandonment I thought it would silence. Then, I have decided to distance myself from him, from the situation. When I have decided to put self-care at the center of my philosophy, I healed. This situation will always affect me, but I am not hurt by it anymore.
Moreover, I don’t consider myself a victim; I consider myself more than anything else as privileged to have been brought up with people who cared, to have been nurtured by love and a great amount of unconditional support. I eventually came to the point where I am conscious that being fatherless affects my views on a number thing, but I do not suffer from it anymore.
Being a fatherless daughter is too often rationalized. It is not enough considered as a social issue. The lack of acknowledgement is an obstacle regarding the healing process of those daughters. There need to be more mechanisms, social projects, digital resources, mentoring projects regarding this issue. To this day those are unattainable to many fatherless daughters.
Being fatherless makes you more vulnerable to depression and anxiety. Fatherlessness can impact daughters differently depending on its nature, on the daughter social environment and the daughter personality. However, it often results in self-blame in cases of voluntary absence and low self-esteem in many instances.
Throughout the years, I questioned myself as a person like anyone else. However, when I was going through valleys, all of that pain came back to me and contributed to my misery. It often crossed my mind that: “At the end of the day how could others put up with you when your own flesh and blood decided to give up on you?” You wonder if you are lovable at all, since it appears that your own father does not love you enough to care for you. Just like I healed, I am convinced that any fatherless daughters can heal from the psychological trauma experienced. It is a long process and a consciousness work.
To break free from those emotional barriers:
- Forgiveness is powerful, it helps you reconcile yourself with your history and restore yourself on a higher mental level. It is essential to let go of negative emotions. Forgive him and wish him well too; I mean forgiveness is all about you. It does not mean that you forget where you came from. It means that you are willing to take the step necessary to feel well. You are willing to release pain, anger and negativity which in turn can only leave more room for love, happiness and joy.
- Someone who can let go of their own child must be dealing with their own issues. It is important to understand that it has nothing to do with you, that it is not personal and that you are not unworthy. Most importantly, you are worthy of your own appreciation. The certainty that his absence is not your fault needs to be digested.
Tools that helped me:
- Write about your story: Put your story on paper, without holding yourself back. Meditate on the way you can shift from your mentality and break free from the situation.
- Read positive content: Read content on forgiveness, on the importance of self-love and of self-worth.
- Meditate on forgiveness: Inhale and exhale focusing on forgiveness.
“Forgiveness is to offer no resistance to life, to allow life to live through you. The alternatives are pain and suffering, a greatly restricted flow of life energy, and in many cases physical disease. The moment you truly forgive, you have reclaimed your power from the mind. “ – E. Tolle
Author: Djénéba
Email: [email protected]
Author Bio: Djénéba Diallo is a blogger and founder of the platform Sebenni Ni Taama. She is also a teacher, a creative and an educator working for non-governmental organizations.
She has a passion for life, meeting new people, constantly learning new things and brings with her a powerful laughter on all adventures she embarks on.
Link to social media or website: https://www.facebook.com/SebenniTaama/
