As a young woman, I always found myself staying up late, reading the tales of forbidden romance (“Twilight,” anyone?). To this day, I still flip through the worn pages, and skim my favorite chapters. I used to think nothing was more romantic than when Edward proposes, and could not wait for my own perfect proposal.
Looking back now, I see not only how “Twilight” warped my ideas of love, but many other teen-fantasy romance novels altered them as well. Between those novels and watching “The Last Song,” I thought I was going to find my soulmate by 17 and ride off into the sunset.
Surely many of us thought sparks would fly with our first kiss, and that would be it. However, as young women today begin to find themselves in the midst of puberty and beyond, the expectations from books and movies do not match up with what we experience in real life.
For instance, I believed most boys were supposed to be brooding and mysterious. If they were distant, it was my job to encourage them to open up. I was the one who would “change” who they were, and make them better people. All because I read or watched a girl do the same thing in a fictitious environment, and find her happy ending. But in reality, as women, we have begun to spiral into a place where not only do we have unrealistic expectations for relationships, but also for ourselves. I find myself giving far more than 50 percent of myself in a relationship, and expecting less from my partner. It is my “job” to be the emotional support. Dark and brooding? More like an excuse to be emotionally uncommitted.
My point is, stop comparing your relationship to what you read and watch. Unfortunately, there is no roadmap for romance. You have to navigate the messy waters yourself. Plus, what we have been reading is just not the truth. We have started to accept less from our partners, and placed higher stress on ourselves. I once dated someone who was a heavy substance abuser, and thought it was my job to fix him. When I could not, I blamed myself for some invisible shortcomings that were not even there! If you are with someone who cannot give their best every single day, you are not in a healthy relationship. Worse, if you think their flaws are your responsibility, you have the wrong idea about romance.
Love is messy. Finding out who you are, independent of a relationship, is an important part of protecting your own self. Once you are confident in your identity, realize you do not need to compromise who you are, just because someone else cannot find themselves. Leave the mysteries to the movies, and focus on the reality in your own world. Eventually, you will find someone who wants to be with you, and brings out the best parts of who you are.
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