Real Stories

Don’t Confuse Reality with Justice: My Sexuality, My Reality

“But it’s normal.” Can you explain to me what “normal” should mean, be, identify or classify? Is it just common behavior of those who live according to certain rules, norms and customs? These rules, norms and customs were never given, but man-made. Are they, thus, by nature justified? I doubt this strongly.

Hence, we could agree that “normal” is subject to perspective and perhaps very different depending on class, race, religion and gender.

When you then say to me that my lack of sexual desire is not normal, you are, by the subjective nature of the word “normal,” coming from a biased, sexist and ignorant perspective where you think your perception of “normal” is superior to mine. Especially in a matter of this delicacy, you put your view on top of my understanding of my needs, my desires and my body instead of accepting who I am. Who says your abundance of sexual desire is not just your reality?

I do love to make love with you. But not on the basis that my desire to do so is judged by you on a prefixed, prejudiced way. I need you to accept my sexuality—to be able to be sexual with you in a mutual and free way which fulfills both of our desires.

Do not confuse your reality of sexual desire with “how it should be” and, equally important, do not try to convict my reality of it as unjustified.

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by Anna Hehenberger

I am a free spirit, I love the arts but am mainly working in economics/politics. I think, solidarity and empathy are humankind's strongest skills and are terribly neglected in our time, this is why I write.

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