My son doesn’t call me mom anymore and I’m okay with that, although I used to not be. It all started about a year and a half ago. My husband was deployed, and we moved home for moral support. My son was two at the time and a little delayed in speech. He called me mom and his father dad, but the rest was hard to make out at times.
Being in a new place, surrounded by new people, he began to pick up on more and more. One day, I was taking a bath and my son looked around the corner for me. He called out my name. I didn’t know it then, but that was the beginning of him calling me Magen, and not mom.
I tried to fight it for a while, but my will power was weak. The more he called me by my name the less I had time to spend arguing with him. Soon I was no longer mom but simply Magen. People would make comments on why I didn’t fight him on it anymore, but honestly I had other battles I needed to win. He needed to potty-train and learn his colors. Sometimes you just have to pick your battles.
I had come to terms with being Magen in my son’s eyes until seven months ago. That was the time I learned my marriage was over, and it was time to separate. I began to feel less like a mother as I now had to enter the work force and be away from my son. I felt like others were raising him and that we were losing our connection.
Then four months ago, his father came back from his deployment. I began to hear my son call his father daddy and I felt even less like a part of his life. I was having a hard time being just Magen, but as time went on I began to learn a few things about me and my son. And I wanted to share these things with other mothers who might be experiencing the same thing.
Being a mother of any kind can be difficult. We put our all into our children and sometimes we feel as if it isn’t enough. We often forget who we are and try to only be a good mother. It is never good to forget ourselves. That is why I have come to accept being Magen to my son. Here are some of the things I learned on the way.
I am actually Magen.
I was so upset about my son calling me by my real name, but I am actually Magen. That is my name and my identity. When he calls me Magen I don’t feel like I am only a mother. I feel like I am a person. I remember that I am a blogger, a writer, a daughter, a friend and a mother. I remember that I am something special.
I am still his mom.
Even though he calls me Magen, I am still his mother. I gave birth to him and named him. I take care of him and love him. I know I am good mother and that he only calls me Magen because my family does. I know there is no deeper meaning. He isn’t calling anyone else mom. He is just simply calling me Magen.
Our relationship hasn’t changed.
Being a newly single mom means I barely make enough money to get by. I currently live with my parents for support, but my relationship with my son hasn’t changed. He still comes to me when he is hurt. He still asks me for food when he is hungry. I am the one who potty-trained him. I am the one who takes him to the potty when he has to go.
He crawls into my bed at night when he has a bad dream. He cuddles with me when he is sick. He cries when I am the one who has to leave the house. He begs me to play with him. He still loves me just the same. He just calls me by a different name.
It doesn’t matter what others think.
Other people might judge me for not forcing my son to call me mom, but it is known of their business. At the end of the day it doesn’t affect them. I have come to terms with our relationship. If they have a problem with it, then it is their problem. I still get the hugs and kisses, and that is all that matters to me.
I know many moms struggle with their relationships with their children. Raising children is hard, and often times we are figuring it out as we go. It is important to remember that our children look at us differently than we see ourselves. They don’t see someone who might not being doing enough. They see someone who protects them when they are scared and kisses their ouchies when it hurts.
Never start to question if you’re a bad parent, or if you’re doing enough. The fact that you care enough to ask yourself that question means you are doing everything just right. Bad parents don’t stop to think about how their actions affect their children. The fact that you take the time to think about what your child needs is proof enough. Next time your child wants a hug, remember that’s what it is all about.
Author: Magen Golden
Email: [email protected]
Author Bio: Magen Golden is a single millennial mother who resides in the south. She is passionate about parenting and providing advice on the journey to her audience. She currently connects with her audience on all matters of the home through her blog magengolden.com.
Link to social media or website: https://www.magengolden.com
