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Real Stories

bUlLiES

If there is one thing being a woman has taught me, it’s bullies and bullying do exist. They are not the thing that goes bump in the night, nor do they hide behind mirrors or under beds.

 

In short, they are living, breathing, tiny-minded individuals that believe they can bully anyone with immunity. My purpose in life, show all bullies crossing my path they most certainly the hell cannot.

 

As soon as I get home, I remove my bra laughing. I think to myself, “a man must’ve created this damn thing.” I only reference bras to loosely illustrate treatment women (latent and obvious) receive from their bullies or bullying, restrictive and hidden, but the effects apparent for all to see.

 

It’s a bully’s soul purpose, under the guise of flattery to get you further away from your internal compass and decision-making. It’s:

 

  •  Brainwashing, each woman endures throughout her life.
  • Subtle nudges – The “Do this,” ” Wear that,” or become a “cookie-cutter beauty” because society demands, I mean, approves.

 

If we only knew the facts from the truth, “Society prefers everyone to look the same instead of showcasing for the world their intrinsic beauty because individuality starts movements and group-think is so the rage.” We would save a fortune on beauty products and shrinks. Unfortunately, this type of bullying seeps into our crevices without fear of resistance because it’s tradition.

 

Though I’ve not traveled the entire globe, yet, I can attest to bullying in the states (U.S.) for women begins in the place everyone overlooks though its right in front of their faces.

 

HOME!

**If you are sickened at this point, please find something else to read, it only gets tense from here.

 

It’s in the formative year’s loving guardians force-feed their entire traumatic lifeforce experience onto their children, but with more unrequited effects onto their daughters, like a template to follow with strict obeyance, as if training a pet. I bet you never thought your parents as bullies unless being disciplined, did you? Parents aren’t obvious bullies, nor do they consciously know they are. They believe the only way to nurture is adopting the “go along to get along” approach. Currently, I’m happy to say there is a shift in parenting leaning more towards individuality, a necessity for a purposeful life.

 

News flash women are only under the supervision of guardians for a short time *in most cases. Bullies and bullying practices continuously look for any avenue to expand and disrupt. While we as women are excited to run into self-control, freedom, and sufficiency by the time we’ve accomplished what we consider mastery of our childhood, adulthood slaps us with something interesting. We don’t know swat. Your sunny smile now replaced with a pasty-faced grin for public consummation while inwardly dying from the shock of this intense revelation.

 

Checking back in with the bullies, we see a growing number, now includes your first childhood crush (Love); rejection from your dream job (Employment), worse still the one bully that haunts your every nightmare in one form or another, YOU. You heard me correctly. That’s a couch trip for another day and a glass of the strongest libation in your cabinet.

 

Anyway, as you grow in your life, so do the bullies that surround you, only their tactics more subtle. As women, the presentation of glass ceilings, male-domination in the employment arenas (equal pay), and our individuality in all facets challenged by archaic norms and historic bs are live and in living color. We will either wage our war or find a delicate balance, but we do it with style all our own.

 

Would you like to know how I beat my bullies? After a lot of trial and error, tears, and feeling depleted, I had an epiphany, I’m my very own champion, NO ONE ELSE. I have the gift of intuition to see that all things are a duality. That I can unlearn everyone’s programming as quickly as I recognize it exists within my mainframe. Through watching others, I gather:

 

  • People are neither good nor bad in life. They will assume whatever role you assign them. So, do not give a bully presence if you don’t wish to lose your control.
  • From the classroom to the boardrooms of life, women dominate in whatever task they do though often relegated to the background when their contributions are its core.

 

The phenomenal woman before you took decades to actualize and appreciate these facts and more, but it wasn’t without the prayers and love of other women to light my path. Here’s another secret tip to help deprogram your existence of bullies. Each woman vibes at a high frequency in her life. That vibe draws bullies like bees to honey, and we’re on the damn menu.

 

At first, the new bully (love) gives all their attention and affection freely. Then something happens, the bully begins to withdraw all the gifts once freely given. Your world turns upside because you’ve not experienced this deep pain. You didn’t learn this in school. The bully comes back only to withdraw and retreat again. Once you put your foot down, extermination is a must. This cycle happens cyclically until boundaries (defenses) build in your being.

 

Anyway, I digress. The point of my ramblings is bullies and their effects do exist, but you mustn’t  waste your life striving to become anyone other than yourself to appease or be controlled by them. You are born to heal and create phenomenally amazing spaces of change, not just for you but for others. Bullies can be defeated.

If you like this article, check out: https://stories.harnessmagazine.com/miss-independent/

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by S .M. Penn

Proud African American writer, Social influenc'er, pathfinder introducing AUTHENTIC balance for higher consciousness with a heavy dose of Self-Love, humor and deep-seated thinking...

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