Real Stories

Are ‘Daddy Issues’ Real at 23?

You know how when we were all in high school learning about Sigmund Freud and how we were all grossed out that he theorized that males wanted women like their mothers and females wanted men like their father? It sounds super icky, but what if his theory is true? I mean, lets think about it; how many women do you know that had an absentee father and have seriously toxic relationships? 

My father was involved in my life up until I was in middle school; high school was like puling teeth when it came to him being around- he even missed my high school graduation! At the time, I didn’t think anything of it, just an “ah, its whatever, that’s my dad for ya”. I would play it off and joke about it. My dad would often, and still does, pop in and out of my life whenever he feels need be. We can go months without speaking and the second he calls, I’m 7 years old in Disney World again. He’ll serenade me with the “I’m sorry”, tell me what he’s been up to, and then boom! The infamous line “I’ll call you right back, babygirl”, and that’ll be the last I hear from him for months. 

Now fast forward, I’m 23 and I’ve been on a path of ‘self-discovery’. I started thinking back to my old relationships. I remembered I dated a boy in college; then I started thinking about why we broke up. Aside from the cheating- which is one thing already that he has in common with my dad. But I remembered that he was late to pick me up for my 18th birthday party. I almost didn’t go to my own party because my mom said that he had to be the one to take and to bring me (thank God for best friends!).  As I’m leaving my birthday celebration, he’s walking in!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! 

Another example, back in 2014, NFL linebacker Ray Rice knocked his fiancé Janay Palmer unconscious. When the video went viral and people asked her questions, one of her reasons was the fact that she watched her dad beat her mom, and she found someone just like him. 

A father is suppose to be the main example of what a man is supposed to treat her like. Here’s what it looks like when he doesn’t: 

When a father is in and out of his daughters life, its setting the tone’ its showing her that its okay if your significant other texts you every other day. When a father is taking his daughter out to meet all her ‘step-mom’s’, its showing her that its okay for men to have more than one partner. When a father abuses the mother, it becomes okay. When a father does wrong but then shows up or apologizes, its showing her to keep forgiving no matter how bad the situation was/is.  

It’s hard sometimes because I think that its my fault that my father isn’t around. I mean, he has 5 other kids and is raising one that isn’t even his. I sometimes think like this when it comes to boyfriends, is it my fault that they acted this way? In both cases, I always find myself thinking ‘what did I do?’. Fathers set the stage for what relationships are suppose to be like. As you get older, you’ll date your fair share of men that have tendencies like your father. You either embrace them or you hate it so much that you shun every man that even remotely reminds you him? You come to terms with the fact that your dad wasn’t really around. But do you ever get over it or is it just something that you have to come to term with? 

by Chelsea Martinez

Hi! I’m Chelsea.
Born and raised in Bronx, NY. I’m 23 years old. I never really had an outlet to vent to, that’s when writing came in to play. To take words and elevate them into feelings is art.

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