Superman.
Is he real? Who is “Superman” to you?
My Dad was Superman, my Superman. I miss him. It really hasn’t been long since he passed. I don’t really talk about it too much to anyone. I just try to keep his story alive by sharing bits and pieces of his life. He has an amazing life story! He told it with such enthusiasm too. You were one of the lucky ones if you got to hear it through his eyes, words, expressions. You were just lucky if you got to meet him.
Life is weird. We are here in 2020. Pumped as hell for this year to be “THE YEAR” you know? Now, we are stuck in a pandemic. I got written up at work, I lost my dad, I thought I met a potential boyfriend, thought wrong, and the homeboy tried to ghost me. WOW.
Anyways… My Dad would find this so interesting. It would be the time where we reflect and start being more grateful for everything we have instead of entitled. At this point, I agree. We haven’t always seen eye to eye but honestly I think we saw eye to eye on too many things. Can you even see eye to eye on too many things? Does that even make sense? Not sure, but I’m more like my Dad than I have ever realized. He was so hard on me growing up and I always felt the pressure to be the best at everything. He always told me “you can do better”. Which sometimes concerned me because I thought I was doing my best already. I think about these times now and I’m a little scarred by it, truthfully. I know he said it with good intentions but can you imagine a 10 year old girl going to state in one of her swimming events and cutting time by a half second and the coach is thrilled (although didn’t place first) and dad said “you can do better”, Yeah, me too. Major hurt feelings. This pressure has made me the adult I am today. I’d say I’m a thriving 26 year old considering the circumstances. Circumstances meaning, I didn’t finish college but that is another story because I’m working on it, going back to college that is.
I am the woman I am today because of this amazing man. Not only did we butt heads because we had similar personalities but he was always there when I needed him. When I was feeling down because of a failed relationship, friendship issues, or even work problems he was there on the other side of the phone listening, supporting, and loving me. I couldn’t be more grateful to this day but I sometimes wonder, would I still be grateful for him and appreciate him as much if he lived? Would I have answered more of his calls and Facetimes?
I haven’t fully mourned the passing of my father in reality, it seems like I haven’t mourned at all. It’s hard to really feel it and believe it. I still don’t believe he’s gone. There were so many things we were still going to do together. I was going to get a boyfriend to bring home to him, I was going to marry said boyfriend, my dad was going to walk me down the aisle. He was going to be my kids grandpa. He was going to come visit me in California to see the life I created because he gave me the confidence to make the big move and make this life my own. Without his support, care, and love I wouldn’t be who I am. My dad was the most caring and loving person and I miss him so much.
For 26 years from the day I met my dad at the airport in Saudi Arabia, he has always told me he was Superman. I believe him.
