Now I am not here to claim that being single during a global pandemic is any harder than being coupled up during a global pandemic.
Instead what I want to do is give voice to a lived experience being largely ignored or dismissed in community and media narratives. Because for all the strategies on how to cope with COVID-19 and self-isolation if you live with a partner or with children, I have seen very little out there for single people, and in particular, single people who live alone. Surprising still when you consider that one in four Australians find themselves in such a predicament.
Outside of COVID-19, singledom is packaged and sold in a way that often does not mirror the lived experience of many single people.
Strong, independent, career driven, you are told that your life is more than your partner. You spend your spare time brunching, drinking, partying and having lots of wild sex with lots of different people. When you are ready to settle down, your soulmate will be too. You really can have it all!
For better or worse, the reality is far more nuanced. Being single during a global pandemic amplifies that nuanced reality.
As a 30 something year old single woman, I have wrestled with loving and hating the life altering impact of COVID-19 and self isolation. While I enjoy having my own space, I also wish I could share it with someone else. While I enjoy sleeping diagonally on my queen size bed, I also wish I could cuddle up to a warm body. While I enjoy finding comfort in activities like cooking and cleaning, I also wish someone else could do these things for me when the negative news cycle gets too much. While I enjoy being spared tensions and arguments from too much time at home with other people, I also wish I had someone to spend time with to experience such tensions and arguments. While I am grateful to be in good mental and physical health, I am conscious of not having someone else immediately available in the event my health deteriorates.
Now I am not here looking for self pity. Sad, co dependent and yearning for a partner is another damaging caricature of single people that I am loathed to give any airtime. But equally, I would be remiss to overlook the unique challenges posed by singledom during a global pandemic.
Going through the seesaw of emotions over the last few weeks saw me lean back on a familiar crutch for single people – the ex. For those of you who have resisted the temptation, be proud of yourselves. For those of you who have given into temptation, be kind to yourselves. We are all coming to terms with a lack of control and certainty in our lives so it is only natural that our search for those qualities takes us to a person and a relationship that once embodied them. We are also bored and lonely and simply have more time to dwell on past relationships.
Being an extrovert and thriving off the energy of other people is another reason why COVID-19 and self isolation has made life so challenging. For me, being home at all is unusual. Being home almost all the time is unthinkable. But COVID-19 and self isolation has changed all of that. In this forced new reality, I am discovering new ways to survive and thrive.
Now I am learning that there is nothing quite like a global pandemic to invite some serious self-introspection.
Never have I journaled more in my life about the feelings I am experiencing and the reasons underlying those feelings. I am reaching out to family, friends and even acquaintances through virtual mediums. Lacking their presence in real life, I am becoming more attuned to facial reactions and verbal cues during our interactions. I am savouring the taste and smell of my morning takeaway coffee than I ever have before. I am experimenting with new walking routes in my neighbourhood. When I am walking, I will observe the cloud formations, feel the warm sun catch my skin and hear the breeze blow through my hair. At night I will settle down with a warm cup of tea in my favourite mug, light a candle and write vociferously.
Some days are good, some days are bad. But I have got this, and so have you.
